Beware! The Zine's Comic Adaptation of H. G. Wells's The War Of The Worlds - One Random Page At A Time

Earthlings! A three-fingered salute we do offer you, and slightly-cooler-than-Earth's-mean-temperature thanks for checking in at Beware! The Zine. We doubt not that you're already filled with a thousand shades of happy at having got to know the cyber-entities Nase and Abel, the lifestyle guru Johnny Cocktail, the comedy circuit's uber-failures Bob and Bob (The Two Bobs), and defender of the Fenland Times review column (and time traveller), Kennedy Hiscox-Wormegay. So, having already made available offerings of such a sturdy nature, it is with multitudinous pleasure that I, envoy to the Martian High Council, do introduce a comic so lengthy... so ambitious... so UNFINISHABLE... that it really does deserve its full-length title every time somebody makes reference to it.

We at Beware! The Zine believe in quality. But believing in it doesn't mean we have to employ it in each and every one of our endeavours. And so, with that in mind, we are trying something new. The premise is simple. We will take one page, at random, from my 1973 Penguin copy of H. G. Wells's The War Of The Worlds, and convert it to comic format, with minimum of fuss. One day, we may even complete the task.

So, for your vision-based gratification, I give you page 47.

Arranged, pencilled and inked by Gareth Monger.

The Beware! Encyclopaedia of International Celebrity - Germaine Greer

Make space on your racks of pine, for this lavish master-work eventually to be captured in an infinite volume set. All of human life is here, all of famous human life. And possibly animal life. A team of excruciatingly-trained reporters have scoured the globe for pertinent facts. We entrust you, dear reader, with the safe digestion of the same.



Germaine Greer (Professorial Chromosome Brain Mouth)

Pondering Greer. (Andy Brain)

Terror be upon all since the arrival of Melbourne, Australia, and within it one Germaine Greer, a dramatic day-anarchist whose philosophy will be forever challenged to capture the expanding knowledge. I think it grew. She knows it grew! The radical feminist and political short is noted for works such as “Square Feelings Snake” (1970) and “Viper Intersections” (1991); in the sixties, to be in company of Greer meant pressing the feminist literary criticism firmly skyward. This sharp author of cold words was said to have castrated unlimited employees, although this was later traced to Andrea Dworkin. The pamphlet “Fighting Clitoris” (1966) made people into angry women, while introducing the idea of chromosomal claims and was thus expected ever since in criticism. 

Peer pressure is going to play freely. Angela Carter? "Wassup fool". The problem, says Margaret Cook, lay with Edwina Currie, dubbed by Greer "a small, hungry," and (causing significant damage to the glory and the power of at least two major lines of view) "stupid bingo-caller". The University of Australia decided to nickname "strange Germainiacs" such as the unlicensed Gloria Steinem, who stole a CV, letters, her laughter style, concept of "traditional family" and yet accused Greer of “grooviness beyond hegemonic heterosexuality”. But what of gender?

Snake in the eyes of his wife physically, man to Germaine Greer has yet untruth. "Now the leaders are bra-burners," she had pointed sarcastically in 1960, leading to a life ban from tight and uncomfortable Yugoslavia.

Richard Nixon: I, ah, said to make an appropriate bra.

Germaine Greer: But you can write bralessness behaviour, like that (clicks fingers).

Smoking Greer. (Andy Brain)

In all accounts of the Greer life, she has two young men, but it is always greater than that. She found liberationism a public sex, but a cruel frisson. Registering for Catholic services, she helped rescue numerous recalcitrants, and according to Viv Stanshall’s biography, a devastating forest shrew. Chief Greer (as she was now called) opened a strong Catholic Academy as a copy of the religious star-signs. "This cannot be compiled, bar reading on to say that all the girls that invoke Mother’s idea, by the end of 1999, may not be able to get into trouble." Greer, of course, had mastered the ability to go beyond stubborn. Earlier, the University of Melbourne in Sydney bought a used Master's degree Greer had commandeered from English Literature at Cambridge, in a sting operation to raise awareness of developing countries in London. The Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band celebrated Greer in "About Bloody Time". She was sure to become a celebrity.

Professor Lisa Jardine, at Newnham College, dived in to say: “Massage tables in Sweden emphasize the importance of control” and was the first to lecture at the University of Greer. On the first day’s lunch, Greer served a white material strained through cones of Vesuvius – “there is little milk, because an irregularly shaped bra has affected development of at least six women”. Smashing the world’s fag-packet economy, Melvyn Bragg was persecuted to reply only in England, hidden: "Woman, hear, and vice versa, worried? I am that". Jardine offered insurance: "the word is good – but we are a very pseudo-male college”.

Four years later, Greer (probably not the right word in this context) was the second wave of feminism in an effected waterfall of all male history. In “Solving The Body” (1984), Greer stated: “of course you can have really nice sex. It is blessedly important to provide two channels. The oppression of women, class and poverty through female parts can be all work, but it is probably easier to make many arguments in error”. On its twenty-first birthday in 2005, the beginning of the book was balanced by Camille Paglia and others against that day’s New York Times. It was heavier.

Greer experimented as a man and worked in the art world of London, calling Newnham College a mere “social balcony”. Cambridge University was introduced to the sit-down protest by “Mr” Greer in oil-suit. In spare part time Greer became a private eye, bringing several misogynistic portrait painters to justice.

Stern Greer. (Andy Brain)

The ruling May Wilde Party feigned resistance to Greer Wales PLC’s waste-beetle and predatory bacteria. Wading into debates over regional assessments of students’ feet, and women as “foreign bourgeois mothers”, rival Steinem showed that full understanding of the waste-beetle and crunchy protests against the police could be corrupted into a mere analogue.

Money in itself now became a concern, for the first time in 40 years, as Greer delivered shock treatment naked in public, reminding all “the business combination is strategic, and this after years of Madonna!”. As a reminder of the magazine or application culture, again, with a good name and a 1990 book “Strong Joy Pollution”, she wrote in detail about wedding menopause culture. For three weeks, she married a building. Her theory that women should have modified seeds, to offset the remainder of the cost is rough-hewn but acknowledged as both open and juicy. Her interest in latent machismo led to a coffee-table book of video gamers, with more than 200 photographs taken in arcades. “The Passion For Pixels” is available from The Works.

Due to Greer, man developed appreciation for women and, from 1999 onwards, a struggle for leadership that remains unanswered in the development of the Western. Linking plastic surgery to female circumcision, she castigated Swedish listeners: "The man is just perving Australia, true cycle". Yet Greer perceived an intelligent boy, so men and women at the foot of white middle vice support young people to go on. On the other hand, the reader understands the ambiguity of preventing trad school.

Controversy and appreciation chased such retorts as "yes, we can bring more people closer. But which people? And are we to run out of whitewash?".

Card by Bob Art Models (used with permission). eBay link.

The Germaine Greer Policy Institute now rules on marriage quandaries and business orientation. This is the future of capitalism, having solved the application hierarchy. However, underneath is a mixture of anarchism and Marxism. It is not surprising that Greer leaves the ideology tag everywhere.

Generally, negative coverage is redirected to Australia, where her suggestion that animals had survived purely to write critical articles has caused much debate.

In addition to intellectual stimulation, and so beautiful without TLL Australia (fruit packers), we report a cruel game. On Melvyn Bragg: “He has a great altitude on Aboriginal complaint”. On John Howard: “He suffers with statement-blindness”.

It is always a good product from Greer, who if there was a time and place, became 33 women in the presence of every woman, and even in the last century was one of the most revolutionaries writing.
However, her comments about "more dead flats with faith in the Gospel of John, and skin tests” prompted Suzanne Moore to seek formaldehyde license, via the University of Cambridge, providing training based on a pure semi-colon. In “My Shoes” (1993) was a dissection of BBC2 as "an all in one company, not a comedy, but education and energy”. Theatre-minded, Greer evoked feelings there were no need to avoid, and always the excitement of stimulation seemed to work: “Bras can think and write and, while hard to hear at the moment, there is always hope”. Noting tired old ideals, her controversial text: "White Hiney Embedded Jump" describes Australia as “a money republic, limited, with concepts of national young Europeans, and always damned Saxon”. But her cost and impact analysis ended in shelter. Moving to wearable technology, Greer and Apple inverted the male gaze, giving you a female voyeur (directly in equities, and with luck elsewhere) in all spheres of life.

Now there are a number of Greer colonies theorising to break the traditional change challenge in women, but of course young readers still find it fun to be central, and her deliberately misleading statements may tear a new focus from it. Compatriot and arse critic Peter Hitchens had to scramble for a new trench, prompting Greer’s retort: "The world has a pure heart, and a trigger-finger; and do not hesitate." All bodes well for future days. In the form of small pop star Lady Sovereign, Greer sees feminism as future-proof.

Entry text: Adrian Darvell
Editor-in-Chief: Winston Obogu

Corrections, omissions, queries? Please leave any COQs in the comments.

Nase And Abel - The Coward's Disconnect

No sooner has Nase had his first encounter with The Plug Child than he disconnects, leaving nothing but a cloud of junk data.

naseandabel-shortformat#1-page07 (written and illustrated by Gareth Monger)

Nase And Abel - The Mask Slips

Nase and Abel get a good look at the strange interloper's true form.

naseandabel-shortformat#1-page06 (written and illustrated by Gareth Monger)

Johnny Cocktail - PI Masterclass - Deception

Stick with Johnny's classes and, after week 6, you get a free Lamborghini. Or do you? Was that a naughty fib?* Learn how to tell the difference.

Johnny Cocktail - PI Masterclass #5 (written/illustrated by Andy Brain)

* = yes it was. You get a leaflet on threadworm which JC has a job lot of.

The Beware! Encyclopaedia Of International Celebrity - The Smiths

Beware! is proud to present the first stars in an eternal partwork. The Beware! Encyclopaedia of International Celebrity carries the hallmark of quality writing that has characterised such works as Dogs Type Shakespeare, The Toys That Farted, and From Pulse To Piper: Pink Floyd Backwards. It has been rigorously tested for adherence to the Information Standard, and a copy resides in the British Library.

The Smiths (Northern Dour Sound Men)

Smith! A name to feel! Post-punk intimates, the inventors of new, strengthened, renewed forms of the industries of pop music and pop punk revival. With a Smith, free time is good or bad. The last of the famous synth, guitar-driven rockers of England's 80s and 90s, in the genre of Wave Rock, but who eventually became a British indie rock band from England, due to their play with many three-minute pop songs musically in hand. However, an increasing scope required wider bandwidth. Of their more famous members, singer and guitarist Johnny Marr and dancer Morrissey captivated all but especially groups of girls who have a love of the pop punk rock DIY ethic; Morris dancing Latino toughs; and the whole Smith business has become one of the most important in the history of Keith "Cliff" Richards' traditionalist slow rock. Also they played Height Smith Rock - a carefully-stitched quilt of guitar punishment in the studio. At the same time, however, was self-punk, a completely different punishment; a new generation of disappointing young rituals. Morris or traditional stone and celibacy dancing followed their official announcements. Sad, selfish and cribbing Oscar Wilde (or Kiss) poetry, romantic songs to a poor mistress gave little friction; and always Jim Morrison's premature death was referenced. Marr bought for Smith a rock guitar of the next wave of singles and albums of the decade for the last three years, despite Colombia.

Smith! Johnny Marr (John Aherm, October 31, 1963), when young, dressed as nurses and "Ray", in fantasy games and on location in Paris. Then, in a Manchester of strange rock-and-roll play, how - we do not explain - he made a fast team of tough love with Nick "in the production of working" Morrissey (born Steven Patrice Morrissey, May 22, 1959). According to a friend of mine, he suffered from a bloody nose and hated dogs in particular. His desire for bequiffed Mexican rockers led to his founding the contact mag Melody Maker. At the end of one tribute to James Dean, he died and wrote another book, which appeared in the New York Whistle Test. In a change of career, he was president of FC New York Dolls while looking for an English module (later West Ham United). Nick and Johnny finally found a songwriting drummer, Simon Wolstencroft ("The name of the game", so imprinted were his beats on the genre); the bottom-end virus known as Andy Rourke; and then one Mike Joyce slipped in, via his contacts in Suede, to usurp Wolstencroft on a day off.

Limpit Smike: I feel the pain of Morrissey. I know how much pain he feels. I have felt his pain. His painful feelings are shared. In fact they are intensified, as he radiates pain to his listeners. I feel not only Morrissey's pain, but my own pain, which is doubly painful. In this I feel a true understanding to Morrissey. I have written about how my pain is double that of Morrissey in my latest volume, (Sniiiip! Ed.)

In late 1982 and early 1983, Smith had a lengthy first concert in the group's small hometown. However, loyal Manchester and London began its journey towards that hometown. Factory band Rough Trade offered a "heads-up" sign for any who refused. Homosexuality was the theme of "Hand In Hand", a feeling of England's number and which won the praise of seven tribute songs referring to the British Independents, Smith. Morrissey's concert stage soon became known as a mobile phone and it seemed he could place flowers in your back pocket. Often, strong opinions and feelings were media drugs. "The Man Is A Complete" was released at the end of 1983, with the debate over Smith "coils of origin" represented in hot conference. An interview with BBC Radio led to suspected plagiarism of children's songs. This was accepted literally, and due to the lyrics of Morrissey, people could not go wrong for the first time.

Singles like "This Dark Elegiac House" (1983) made a madman of speed Tamla, and thieves and atonal counterpoint haunt happy life rabbit jangly folk-rock. "Alt Fall is fast", Morrissey said in a veiled dig at Mark E Smith's "noir" stories (1983). What mattered was the almost solid singer playing air guitar Chuck Berry. "William Is Nothing" (1984) was born of frantic fingers and contains a collection of Kenco coffee rhythms.

At the top of the charts in the UK, "this is unbelievable, up in the shop" quipped the fizzing Andy Rourke. When luxury 12" records were refused by trading cartel the Love Initiative, first time fans coursed through other parts of the synth new wave racks, bending the corners of New Order and scratch-handling Yazoo. Was this merely the '70s? By the '80s, Smith began again in the spring of 1984, with sales and widespread criticism - later, the foot singer Sandie Shaw deflected anger in a "heads up" public praise article -"my version reached the Top 40". "God Only Knows Now Poor" was released in the middle of a great storm, and lawsuits from the surviving Beach Boys. Meanwhile, the tabloid discussions were all of hearing aids and Band Aid. But the popularity of this band was not affected by the appearance of R.E.Smith, a cribbing rock quartet that was touching popularity; and in a new bottle, the group came out of hiding to college radio, in part because it does not scale. The end of a collection of passive LPs, "Hove Will Soon Have A Hive" contained 20 holes, a nightmare for stylus-conservers. BBC sessions poisoned "William Is Nothing" until they never touched the song again.

A lasting monument, the Smith masterpiece, "A Lot Of Time" (1984) was - how far? - a Bo Diddley-introduced ritual, with guitars and atmospheric psychedelic movement accompanied threefold (indebted to Chris Isaac).

While Smith assessed all the meat killed in February 1985, under the order of the British charts, murder showed the Thatcher government into political debate. Morris dancing was just the beginning, and its purpose. Fruitarian bands Smith and others were photographed eating meat. But still, "we avoid predators". Marr was working hard on a rock and roll lifestyle. "He looks like a cross between Keith Richards and William Hill" spat Mark E Smith. A split LP with nascent feminists Shakespear's Sister brought the spring of 1985 to life. Smith, for Spring 1985, was the total support. Morris men were becoming all men. But media attention was on comedy Smith, while the "not funny" "New Man's Madrigals" gave us, yelping in shock, the light at the end of the room.

It was in 1985 they determined the fate of the death of the Queen of the islands. "Opposition Boi", a new version of their third album, met with praise from the real Queen and others in English rock band Queen. Their fan base expanded with death, confirmed after the 48-page spring brochure from 1986, "The United States Is Almost Dead", and a lightning creative period of more than 100 albums, breaking hired low guitarist Craig Ganning, who retreated to Aztec Camera and the kindness of strangers. Now a media monkey, in criticizing space-trading game Elite, Morrissey admitted he didn't even speak computer. The song "Terrorism" damaged our disclaimer against guitar voice choirs in 1986. "Hang disco DJ burn ..." he wrote at the end of 11 reps (this his songwriting routine; Morrissey was now a fitness junkie). We understand the band suffered from a collective sleep disorder only settled by installing Pete Burns on a nightly timer.

Smith! Do not listen to the world! The popularity of Smith was measured at an astonishing 11:10 at the crack of 1987. With "Take A Bow Of Shiloh" and "A Thief In The World", the number, employment and strength of singles increased, with B-sides by favoured fan-consortium Board Assembly (notably "Pump Listen Addition") in 1987, and more. These all debuted at number two, but not in the industry, and Marr was banned from flicking in frustration. Morrissey and Marr now spoke melodically along with other artists such as Bryan Ferry of the Cramps, and Billy Bragg would be embarrassed to stop playing, but Morrissey's guitarist was ready to discover new music like 60s pop, and the curse of loyalty. A few weeks before the release of industry satire "Crises, Steve Vai?", where Marr played in character as a blacksmith, the Herreros Band on Reprise label (a Seymour Stein gambit) offered butchered Joyce/Rourke sessions on Parlophone in the UK and the US, illegally, to which Morrissey offered a stinging rebuke via the Wide Awake Club.

Parties can not leave me, but they leave Smith. With mini concert piano and voice, before beginning a beloved flute supermarket, sure it sounds a little universe. "Coma" (including orchestral movements) depressed brides and pushed ordinary people living in my dream. Noisy doors rolled, afraid to relate. Hard rock riffs, rhythm and blues, and even Morrissey's "dark" broken horn screaming. In good faith, I hear disco rhythms; closed, dark images and metaphysics of the band's career. The official perfection was achieved when a denim Morrissey appeared jiving on a postbox in the Shakin' Stevens Christmas video 1987. A post-breakup EP, "Bow Little Man For Master Díldo", failed to chart due to compromised data, and another band had shunned the arias. Rhino footprints appear today.

Entry text: Adrian Darvell
Editor-in-Chief: Winston Obogu  

Corrections, omissions, questions? Please add any COQs in comments.

Station Of Critical Review By Kennedy Hiscox-Wormegay: The Fenland Soil Association Soil Grade Card

Given that this here estate on which the Hiscox-Wormegay family has lived, since times of ancient, is built upon fen muds, it makes sense of plenty to review, for your intellectual pleasure, the Fenland Soil Association Soil Grader. This item of equipment was devised by the invading Norman army, the engineers of which being so prodigiously unable to cope with more than type of soil that they had to produce a useful guide. Without this guide, it is entirely possible that Hereward the Wake might have been able to maintain his stranglehold on the fens and made mighty massacre of the French interlopers. That would have been good.

The Fenland Soil Association Soil Grader card.  A local person doesn't need this. They can taste the difference.
(Graphic by Gareth Monger)

The trained fen eye will immediately make mental note of fact that only two types of soil are on display upon this Old French document. As Canadians are about snow, we are about mud. Summer a single mud does not make. There are a hundred muds. Clay mud, sand mud, wet mud, wetter mud, watery mud, water with mud in.

I once saw a horse drown in mud, for which we erected the type 'horsey mud'. Horsey mud is hard to plough as the conditions are usually sufficient to produce plough-equipmenty mud.

The Fens: an artist's impression.
(Illustration by Gareth Monger)

And so it falls upon me to give reviewer grade to this device of soil grade. If this grader was of fen mind enough to include five hundred soils, I might consider more than one star. But it is failing in the highest possible magnitude. Therefore, no stars. No stars a night sky does not make. Good night.

Nase And Abel - The Phoenix

After seeing Movie-Frank-Death-Star's savage attack on the seemingly-innocent Zeroid/Sidebottom fan-art, Nase and Abel realise that the situation is far for simple.

naseandabel-shortformat#1-page05 (written and illustrated by Gareth Monger)

Johnny Cocktail - PI Masterclass - Planning

JC tells you what's what. Not for free, mind. But for dirt cheap.

Johnny Cocktail - PI Masterclass #4 (Written/illustrated by Andy Brain)

Want more cartoons like this, delivered to your inbox? Simply pop your email address in the box (near the top right-hand corner of the page?) to sign up to Beware! The Zine-Blog and get new posts automatically.

Sporren and the Space-Bats - A Visitor - page 01

In this instalment, a spaceman comes travelling close to the galactic border.

Sporren and the Space Bats - Long Format #1 - Page01 (written/illustrated by Andy Brain)

Poetry Hallway - Falling Through The Night

Welcome to... actually can you turn the radiator down?

No, it's just rather... sweaty in here.

It's easier if you do it... just reach around and -

Yes with your hand, it's on the - can't you feel it?

Well have a care, don't - stand on the -

Oh look just leave it, alright?

No, it's fine, I'll take my top off.

There we are, that's better. That's quite nice actually. Fresh. Welcome to Poetry - yes I have washed my armpits! - Hallway. Today we have a molten chunk of mental moonrock to wreck your molars on. This one is by Andy from TV stars Keshco, and is about sleeper trains and birdman Felix Baumgartner. Yes, drafted late 2012. It's a series of haikus - well, just about.

Falling Through The Night by Andy Brain

Between states, stations
Night and day, sleep and sense
Plymouth and Saltash.

No sleep this dumb hour
No motion from this station
The night is stuck fast.

My fingers trace sky
Higher than clouds, down to tracks
Guess how far he fell.

The curve of the Earth
A leap of faith in Kevlar
The beat of a heart.

Sound barriers smash
Tinnitus wrenches my face
Limbs tingle and thrash

Down, down through the cloud
Burst duvets in the shower
Waiting for clean light.

To fall best, relax
Let gravity do the work
Don't think of Red Bull.

Station of Critical Review by Kennedy Hiscox-Wormegay: Replacement Carbon Brushes For Hoover Performa 1100

So, dearest of blog-follower, it's early AD2015 and you are still a desperate-enough individual to act upon your requirement of the emotional assistance of both Messrs Cocktail and Hiscox-Wormegay. Ordinarily I'd make urgent-but-vague recommendations that you find yourself either a person of ill repute and spend a couple of days getting the New Year Blues out of your system, but as I am only writing here as a guest, I must remember some basic webiquette.

Advanced plumbing.

Shortly before the New Year insanities began, my servant girl Bertha was pumping water in the yard and my ears made hear of a commotion in one of the outhouses. I shouted at her to do her damned job and make herself aware of the situation with a view to rectifying it, but the smithy at Marten's Forge is dragging his heels over my new pump - and the squeaking is unbearable! To cut a yarn into shorter bits of yarn, Bertha was not able to hear the racket from the outhouse, ergo she didn't attend the issue.  So I had to.

The lickspittle, Bertha.

 Being a gentleman of reasonable standing, I tended to my first responsibility - beating the servant girl. But she is a girl of fortune and, at 73 years, is a good twenty years my junior - and escaped! Lickspittle slodger tramp.

So, without assistance, I ventured into the outhouse. I have yet to install electric lighting in the outhouses as I don't often have the need to go in, and there is a good provision of part-burned candles for the estate staff. But on this occasion, an Edison filament bulb would have been most welcome for, at the end of the room, there was the Hoover laundry box. It was making a terrible din!  It was lurching from side to side like the gin-soaked women queued at the almshouses in the towns, and a great many glowing sparks accompanied a loud and constant crackle.

Eventually, I resolved to send a telegram to the local repairman. He is a man of limited intelligence, owing, in the main, to his coming from The Midlands. Regardless of his geographic shortcomings, I sent the telegram, demanding he attend the estate and either repair the laundry machine or shoot it. When he arrived, it was immediately apparent that he had not brought his shotgun, nor his veterinary trappings. Instead, he produced two small, L-shaped contraptions, which he termed 'brushes'. Being a man of the world, I pride myself on having amassed a good mental inventory of equipment associated with the arts, and these were emphatically not brushes. However, it must be said that whatever devilry this man brought onto the estate, it silenced the Hoover laundry box and enabled me to hunt down the wretched Bertha, wearing clean breeches.

Given that I don't fully comprehend the workings of these so-called 'brushes', I am disinclined to offer them a rating, irrespective of how well they do their job.

----------------

Je suis Charlie

Nase And Abel - Pixels To Pixels

Fassbender Frank, in the form of a giant digital Death Star, makes its opinions about fan-art and mash-ups known.

naseandabel-shortformat#1-page04 (written and illustrated by Gareth Monger)

Nase And Abel - That's No Moon.

Whilst dealing with a seemingly-confused Zeroid/Cube, Nase and Abel soon become aware that it's attracted an unwelcome visitor.

naseandabel-shortformat#1-page03 (written and illustrated by Gareth Monger)

From The Vaults: What Could've Been - Beware! The Magazine (#5, 12 Jan 1984)

When Cliff ruled the airwaves and Nase & Abel ruled your bedroom wall.

Beware! The Magazine - #5 - illustrated by Gareth Monger

On the date this issue hit the stands, slipping down the back to gather dust...

• Peter Davison fought the terrifyingly costumed Myrka in Doctor Who: Warriors Of The Deep - Part Three
• Echo and the Bunnymen fought the terrifyingly costumed Japanese fans in Tokyo's Shibuya Kokaido Hall
• Michael Palin had a wander around central London
• The Eurythmics released "Here Comes The Rain Again"
• The Sinclair QL was born - aimed at the business market, its pioneering points were overshadowed by crippling flaws in design and production, and the first machines didn't ship until months later

Johnny Cocktail - PI Masterclass - Regulations

Thinking of taking up a new occupation this year? Johnny has sterling advice.

Johnny Cocktail - PI Masterclass #3 (written/illustrated by Andy Brain)

Coming very soon: A lentil shortage has dire consequences for Sporren and the Space-Bats.

Johnny Cocktail - PI Masterclass - Targets

 Johnny reminds his readers what's what.

Johnny Cocktail - PI Masterclass #2 (written/illustrated by Andy Brain)

Coming soon: Poetry Hallway gives up valuable floor space to Limpit Smike.

From The Vaults: What Could've Been - Beware! The Magazine (#4, 5 Jan 1984)

Issue 4 of the non-existent Beware! The Magazine.

Beware! The Magazine - #4 - illustrated by Gareth Monger

Johnny Cocktail - PI Masterclass - Intro

A New Year is a time for resolutions. It's also a time for ill-advised purchases. Luckily you can combine both by signing up to a new life-enhancing course, courtesy of smouldering hunk of ham Johnny Cocktail.

Johnny Cocktail - PI Masterclass #1 - page01 (written/illustrated by Andy Brain)

Johnny Cocktail - PI Masterclass #1 - page02 (written/illustrated by Andy Brain)

To be continued.